I HATE being away from school and my kids.
Ah, the age old working mom dilemma. . . And it's happening already even though I'm still on maternity leave.
I love my job. I love working in general. I began working when I was 14 years old. All through college, I took 15 to 16 credits while working 2 jobs (averaging 30 hours per week). I love to be busy and can't stand just sitting around. I drive Jason just about crazy when I am on school breaks if I don't have projects and social activities to keep me busy. Don't get me wrong, I love my down time, but only when I put in a full days work to earn it. Jason thinks I'm crazy. But that's just the way I operate.
About one week ago, I was checking my work e-mail when I ran across one from my long term sub saying that she would no longer be subbing for my class.
Wait, WHAT?!
The long term sub who I had carefully selected in the summer because I was so concerned about finding someone excellent? The long term sub who had observed me for two whole days to see how my class operates? The long term sub who I had gone over every detail of my class for a total of no less than 5 hours?
It seems after all my hours of planning and prepping in the summer and fall break, there was one flaw. It did not account for people's choices.
Apparently, due to some of her outside obligations and the high need of my students (aka poor behavior), this sub decided that this gig was not for her.
Honestly, I was floored. She was a veteran teacher who had retired and had completed several long term sub positions before. Surely, she knew what she was getting into. I will be the first to admit that my class this year is quite challenging (lots of very active boys, several with behavior issues), but I am of the camp who says once you make a commitment to see it through to the end. I would NEVER consider backing out after I promised someone I would take on this responsibility.
Well, all this has led to several things.
1. 2 sleepless nights (BOO, I knew I would have a few of these, but I assumed they would be relation to my newborn NOT school stress).
2. 1 crying session (very rare for me)
3. Seriously considering going back to work early. Then nixing that idea. I only get to do this once with Caitlin, after all!
4. Re-evaluating the amount of work I expected the sub to do. Cutting down in several areas.
5. Reading God's Word and being in constant prayer that He will bring the right person along and quickly!
As of yet, they have not found a replacement long term sub. I can only imagine the chaos that is ensuing with all the interim subs (so much for consistency while I was gone). I just hope that my room isn't torn to shreds and that I get enough grades to do report cards for 2nd quarter.
I think that God wanted me to learn to trust Him and be flexible through this situation. I am a terrible worrier, and I know that when I return to work there will be plenty of times where trust and flexibility will be paramount to sanity.
I have been feeling better about everything now that I have made a rough plan of what to go over with the new long term sub (once they find one), talking to my co-worker and Jason (they are so reasonable!), and writing it all down here.
Thanks for being my listening ears! I will keep you updated.
Off to stare at my beautiful sleeping beauty and thank God for this time with her!
I feel for u! There were times I feared my sub could just quit! She did so much extra for less pay. I spent so much time prepping with her. I had the opposite situation where I didn't choose her, but she turned out wonderful. U r completely right that u have to let go and let god. This school year will justbe different for us and I have resigned myself to that. I encourage u to release that worry and want to control and let your principal and school figure it out. I did not start to understand what everyone said about enjoying ny time at home until a month before I went back. It's hard to describe til u get there. Once u go back u may feel guilty like u r needed at home. Each day I have to take it one day at a time with my guilt being gone, yet need for income.
ReplyDeleteYou do only get to do this once for Caitlin so try to revel in it. I just had a week off for thanksgiving and it brings new meaning to breaks to be home with your child. As dedicated as we r, we have to replace some dedication to raising our own children to be Christians now. Just sit back, relax with Caitlin, u r an awesome teacher and wil regain control and all you can do is your best when u get back (which will be different than before). Good luck! I'll be thinking of u and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Emily, that is such a bummer. Unfortunately we have jobs that we can't really leave while on maternity. But everything will work out, it isn't your job to worry about it, just Caitlin. The kids will be there when you get back!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your encouraging words, girls! Just got the word that my principal found a new long term sub (she is excellent, she has subbed at our school before). So relieved. All that needless worrying. Glad I get to meet with her tomorrow and relax and enjoy the rest of my time with my sweet girl!
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